Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
