WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize