My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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