im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
