I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
