he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
