you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
