After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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