I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
