I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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