Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
