he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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