it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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