Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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