hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
