Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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