So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
