It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
