I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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