So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
