Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
