Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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