remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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