I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
