You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
