If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
