I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think my vagina is haunted
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
