I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
