I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
