just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
