24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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