After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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