Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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