In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
