He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
