Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
