My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
