I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
