Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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