in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
