I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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