Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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