Do you still have your period?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
