One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
