Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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