it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
