If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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