Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
