I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
