Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
