Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
