I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
