My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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