Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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